Hi Auntie, please keep this anonymous.
My fiancé has PTSD and has been struggling with it for years now, but I still don’t know the root cause of his depression. There’s something about him that feels off, something I haven’t been able to figure out.
He comes from a wealthy family, has a high paying job, and lives in a beautiful apartment basically everything most people would wish for. He’s also well known and admired, which makes it even harder for me to understand why he’s so unhappy.
his main focus has always been to grow closer to God because he believes it might help. I also found out that he once attempted suicide before we even met. Sometimes, he breaks down in front of me and tells me he’s going through a lot, that I bring meaning into his life, but he never fully opens up about what exactly is tormenting him.
We’re currently in a long distance relationship he’s in Cape Town and I’m in Bloemfontein. He invited me to visit him in December, but on the day I was supposed to go, he ghosted me. A week later, he started to blew up my phone saying how much he needed me and wanted me to come only to repeat the same thing the next time we planned for me to visit.
Then, this past Saturday, he called and told me he wasn’t okay. I was caught up with something, so I delayed responding, and by the time I did, he pushed me away. We didn’t speak for days, yet he posted a status about only liking his girlfriend, and I know deep down he wasn’t talking about me especially since things between us haven’t been great lately.
On Monday, he sent me a long message apologizing for everything he’s done to me ,the inconsistency and he even offered to take me out once he comes back home even when we’re not together anymore telling me I’m the perfect girl and that he owes me a lot. smething felt off, so I decided to check in on him and that’s when I found out he had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital and he said he doesn’t think he’ll make it out alive. He’s one person who’s usually arrogant and emotionally distant, but suddenly he sounded so humble and soft.
I know he’s going through a lot and needs support, but part of me feels like he doesn’t want that support to come from me. He takes hours to respond, and even though I understand he’s not well, I can’t help but wonder because when we’re hurting, don’t we usually want to speak to the person we love? Our conversations have become shallow, and I don’t feel that connection anymore.
Should I back off and give him space until he chooses to come back? Or should I keep checking in on him even if it feels like I’m being pushed away?
He refused when I offered to visit, saying he doesn’t want me to see him like this. I respect that, but I’m also left wondering—if he’s found someone else in Cape Town who he feels closer to, why did he keep coming back to me, venting and pulling me in?
I’m confused, hurt, and not sure what to do anymore.😪my instincts are telling me to give up on this whole relationship because I’ve been trying to make it work for a long time now and I just keep failing no matter how much I try,and mind you we haven’t seen each in 10 months now ever since he relocated because something very bad happened between us and he only came back after 6 months,well he has been texting me non stop but I didn’t respond because i was still hurting…and he seems to be doing fine in Capetown,I don’t understand why he keeps coming back to me.